Just another Tuesday?

Just another Tuesday?

Today’s post was meant to be about Kenya and the stuff going on behind the scenes but, given the date and the current twist in the roller-coaster that is my life I have decided to postpone that entry until tomorrow at the earliest.

Valentine’s Day

Every year, single or attached I always have issues with Feb 14th.  I think it is a commercial holiday, designed by retailers to combat the post-Christmas/post sales dip in revenue.  When single, I bash it, loudly professing my dislike for the commercialism of it all and the thought that if you need a special day to show someone you love them then why bother with the relationship, all the while secretly hoping that when I get home from work there will be a card and/or a bunch of flowers waiting for me.
When attached, I openly begrudge paying hiked up prices just to have dinner with my boyfriend or how expensive flowers and cards are, but also know that if we didn’t do something special I would feel a little hard done by.

This year I found myself approaching Valentine’s with a weird outlook.  I didn’t quite fall in to either category, neither fully single nor fully attached and this SUCKED!!!  The guy I wanted to spend today with, or at least this evening with, is currently, for all intents and purposes M.I.A.
It turns out that James cut his trip a little short, coming home and not telling anybody.  Now, I don’t know a lot of the details and the ones I do know I am not sure I can talk about without crying my eyes out so I wont.  If I can talk about it to you I will but it is all a bit raw right now.  Let’s just say he is home but not exactly safe and sound, in short he is not currently the James I know and care for.  This makes me pretty bummed out.  I feel pretty helpless, useless and all in all unsure of everything!

He is not talking to anyone, doesn’t want his phone back and has relayed a message that I am far too good for him and he doesn’t deserve me.  (Surely that is my decision right?)  So today felt pretty weird, I can’t message him saying something like ‘Happy Valentine’s day’ because he wont get it (I have vowed, through discussions with friends that 1 email a week will be my only contact until he shows signs of wanting to talk) and I kind of felt flat all day.

That is until I got home…

My adopted big sister in London Nina is off for half term right now, she has had a very productive love filled valentines day!  I walked into the house to be met by the smell of chicken baking in the oven, the front room filled with candles and a table set for 3 – Nina, her husband John and myself, which was decorated in heart confetti.

I then walk into my room and find this:

I felt so loved and cared for I burst into tears!  Nina & John are amazing, amazing people with huge hearts.  I am so so thankful for them and for this little boost to my day! If I can’t be with James then this is definitely the next best thing, being surrounded by people who genuinely care.

So if you have found yourself today feeling a bit low, a little lost with your relationship or simply unloved, just remember, Valentine’s day is not just about boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, it is for everyone you love and cherish.  If you haven’t done so already tell them you care., it may just be the boost they need.  And with that, I am off to draft my weekly email to tell someone just how much I care so I can send it tomorrow (Wednesday is ‘the day’)

Love and happiness to you all



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