Today’s post was meant to be about Kenya and the stuff going on behind the scenes but, given the date and the current twist in the roller-coaster that is my life I have decided to postpone that entry until tomorrow at the earliest.
Every year, single or attached I always have issues with Feb 14th. I think it is a commercial holiday, designed by retailers to combat the post-Christmas/post sales dip in revenue. When single, I bash it, loudly professing my dislike for the commercialism of it all and the thought that if you need a special day to show someone you love them then why bother with the relationship, all the while secretly hoping that when I get home from work there will be a card and/or a bunch of flowers waiting for me.
When attached, I openly begrudge paying hiked up prices just to have dinner with my boyfriend or how expensive flowers and cards are, but also know that if we didn’t do something special I would feel a little hard done by.
This year I found myself approaching Valentine’s with a weird outlook. I didn’t quite fall in to either category, neither fully single nor fully attached and this SUCKED!!! The guy I wanted to spend today with, or at least this evening with, is currently, for all intents and purposes M.I.A.
It turns out that James cut his trip a little short, coming home and not telling anybody. Now, I don’t know a lot of the details and the ones I do know I am not sure I can talk about without crying my eyes out so I wont. If I can talk about it to you I will but it is all a bit raw right now. Let’s just say he is home but not exactly safe and sound, in short he is not currently the James I know and care for. This makes me pretty bummed out. I feel pretty helpless, useless and all in all unsure of everything!
He is not talking to anyone, doesn’t want his phone back and has relayed a message that I am far too good for him and he doesn’t deserve me. (Surely that is my decision right?) So today felt pretty weird, I can’t message him saying something like ‘Happy Valentine’s day’ because he wont get it (I have vowed, through discussions with friends that 1 email a week will be my only contact until he shows signs of wanting to talk) and I kind of felt flat all day.
That is until I got home…
My adopted big sister in London Nina is off for half term right now, she has had a very productive love filled valentines day! I walked into the house to be met by the smell of chicken baking in the oven, the front room filled with candles and a table set for 3 – Nina, her husband John and myself, which was decorated in heart confetti.
I then walk into my room and find this:
I felt so loved and cared for I burst into tears! Nina & John are amazing, amazing people with huge hearts. I am so so thankful for them and for this little boost to my day! If I can’t be with James then this is definitely the next best thing, being surrounded by people who genuinely care.
So if you have found yourself today feeling a bit low, a little lost with your relationship or simply unloved, just remember, Valentine’s day is not just about boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, it is for everyone you love and cherish. If you haven’t done so already tell them you care., it may just be the boost they need. And with that, I am off to draft my weekly email to tell someone just how much I care so I can send it tomorrow (Wednesday is ‘the day’)
Love and happiness to you all