A brief break from Kenya to help clear my head!!



So I’ve had a pretty terrible few days to be honest with you all. 

Wednesday arrived and for the 1st time ever I was not looking forward to email time. I was dreading it to be honest! I had no idea what to say, how to say it or even if he was going to read it!

I got so stressed out about it it made me feel guilty and that made me upset! I was sat crying my eyes out over it. How can I not know what to say to a guy I have such strong feelings for?! How can I NOT want to email him?! I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. Had I gotten to the end of my patience? Was this my heart telling me it was over? Or my head telling me to walk away? Or was it just my hormones getting the better of me?!

After my little mini break down and a cup of tea or 2 I finally found the words to tell him I was thinking of him and hopefully put a smile on his face. And I chose my words wisely. Reminding him of our 1st date and how happy he made me. Hoping it would bring a smile to his face. I THINK it worked, an hour or so later I get a text message saying thank you and that he wants to tell me he was thinking of me! Queue more tears!

Then after such an emotional disaster of an evening, I get some other pretty crappy info!

Turns out woman’s intuition is rarely wrong. I can’t expand on this story it’s not fair on those involved but I can tell you my reaction.  

I pretty much screwed it all up! I may have lost a good friend through taking out my frustration about the whole James situation on him. I want to explain what’s going on in the little messed up place that is my mind but I just can’t find the words. I want to pick up the phone and call him and tell him I’m not mad and I totally understand the situation but I’m scared I’ll cry. My reaction was completely excessive and uncalled for. It was not the time to try and explain feelings, especially not the way I did!

So if you are reading this….I’m sorry. I hope it can all be sorted and will go back to our version of “normal”.

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