Today I am catching up on a none Kenya related post (maybe I should start a 2nd blog for this type of post) but I need to write this as its kind of cool, heartfelt and has been waiting to be typed up for a while. When I say a while….I wrote it on Tuesday 17th April so things have changed….
Today at Church (yes church on a Tuesday…crazy huh?) we were talking about the cycle of multiplication and how there are 4 major stages you go through in the cycle…
- Being ‘taken’ by God – wanting to go deeper in your relationship with Him, giving everything over to Him.
- Being blessed by God – This one is kind of obvious.
- Being Broken by God – yep, this is what you are thinking, going through HARD times, breaking down the bad things, breaking off the negatives.
- Finally, distribution – this is like evangelism almost, using what God has done in your life to improve not only your life but hopefully the lives of those around you.
If you are a none Christian reading this, which I know many of you are, then you may not think these stages apply to your life. You would be partly correct… but please read one!
If you have given your life to God then I know you, just like me are sitting in AT LEAST one of these stages. Have a think; you may be surprised as to where you do fall.
I gave my heart to God almost 3 years ago after a REALLY broken past (at the time I didn’t realise quite how broken, it is only looking back I can see it) and a pretty serious life event which I won’t go into. It was the best thing I have ever done.
I have been round this cycle a few times, giving my all to God, being blessed, broken and then using the lessons learned to help others.
I am currently sat in the very much broken camp. I was blessed in a few ways and now have a pretty huge hunk of breakdown happening. And weirdly, it doesn’t scare me. It did, believe me it did. No one wants to feel like their life is falling apart around them, and boy do I know how that feels (and no I am not being over dramatic….I have been there!) But despite the fact that someone I care about is currently in hospital not doing so well and on & off suicide watch, my job doesn’t challenge me any more, I don’t really have any money to enjoy the amazing city I live in, my best friends are HUNDREDS of miles away, my current living situation will be over in July and I am still trying to battle with some deep-rooted personal issues (wow that is a LONG list) I know this period is something that will set me up for something amazing. I am being moulded for greatness, and that can ONLY be a good thing.
Yes…I want to shout at God sometimes, more than sometimes to be honest. When I get a message that James has got worse not better, when my job makes me want to scream, when I see bad things happen to good people…I often get cross with Him. But I think this is healthy. Find me a HAPPY relationship that has been going for 2 years or more that has NEVER had an argument and I will give you a million pounds. I gave this advice to a friend of mine, get emotional with God, cry out to him, be cross, God will probably go…GOOD, I am pleased you are getting emotional at me, it shows you care!!! And guess what…she got cross, and God answered her!!
For anyone who is struggling with the concept of God…and I have done in the past. Being broken hurts like HECK, sometimes it is hard to see how there can be a God if this is happening to you. I get that. No, really I do. But try handing that pain back to God. Say a prayer. Yep, you may feel stupid, that is normal but you will see (it may take time….a long time sometimes, which is often disheartening) that you come out of the other side, stronger, more faithful, more equipped for life and definitely more blessed.
Thanks for reading, I hope this has had some effect on your way of thinking today, feel free to ask me questions on it and I will answer.
Now…I wrote this a month ago almost – things have changed a little since then. I was 100% broken, not handling the whole James thing very well, not handling my job at all and really wanting to quit, feeling very lonely in London… Since then I have quit my job (a HUGE faith step) AND dealt with the James situation quite well to the point that I feel at peace with it all. I definitely feel like I am moving out of the broken camp and into the next stage. This has come through some serious prayer and being surrounded by some amazing people who all know who they are. I want to thank you all for being there in ways that some of you don’t even realise and as I continue on this next step I continue to pray that you all remain in my life. #Iamthankful