This year was meant to mark a turning point in my life but if I’m honest January has been pretty rotten.
I’m still unemployed, I’ve had a bit of a crisis of self confidence brought on by a horrible incident with a boy & a friend (no I’m not divulging details so don’t ask for them) and I’ve spent a lot of this month in floods of tears.
It’s been horrible.
I have however cemented new friendships and developed old ones, learnt a lot about myself & some people around me, including who I can turn to in times of need, for that I want to thank you all. I’ve also lost half a stone (woo hoo) but that’s a different point all together. I am very lucky to have an amazingly supportive family & church family, without them I am not sure I would have coped.
I suppose there is no real point to this blog. Nothing works out as expected I guess. True friendships last a life time and not all friends you make will last. But I guess what I want to say is don’t kid yourself that you are ok when deep down you are not. It will just make everything harder until a great friend comes along and puts things in perspective. It may not be the person you expect, hell, it definitely wasn’t for me, but it will be the perfect person for the job.
So I haven’t blogged for quite a while. Not through lack of trying, but through lack of the words to say. Its 2013 and I have been lovingly added to the “blogs I love page” of the beautiful curvyguruceri’s blog so I have decided that I need to FIND the words!
There are a million topics I could blog on, ranging from my horrendous job hunt to my disastrous luck with men. I have decided that none of these topics are happy enough for my first post of the New Year so I will focus on the year ahead.
2012 kind of sucked…mental health issues, unemployment (twice), watching my best friends leave the country, house hunting, man disasters (too many to list and going right up to New Year’s Eve) and generally being poor. But through all of that there have been some MASSIVE high points. Kenya is the obvious one. I have met some amazing people who have become some of my closest friends, I have a fab new house, I have FINALLY realised what I want to do with my life and am taking the steps to go there, I am learning Swahili and, slowly learning to accept my body for what it is!
In 2013 I have sworn to only surround myself with positive people. My current favourite phrase for those not so useful people is ‘toxic’. Positivity breeds positivity remember. No more rotten men, no more “fake” friends, no unhelpful “acquaintances” I only have space in my life for the types of people who inspire me to be better, those who make my life full.
I have also vowed to make 2013 the year of ME. I will get an awesome job. I will finally get myself fit (yes I say this every year but I actually WANT to this year, it’s all part of accepting myself). I will get back to Kenya and help transform those children’s lives. I will put God first in my life. I may not find the man of my dreams but I promise to get rid of the ones of the past.
So here’s to an amazing 2013! Let it be a year to remember, a year to cherish, a year of great victory & even greater blessings. I read on twitter (via @MOMXW) a crafty little thing I am going to do this year: Start 2013 off with an empty jar. As the year goes on fill it with notes about all the good things that happen. On New Year’s Eve, empty the jar & see what awesome stuff happened that year!
Much love people!
(This post has been delayed a few more days than planned. Not out of laziness, or even unwillingness, simply by the fact that life has come and gone far too quickly over the past few weeks. I was meant to write it on Wednesday, I actually wrote it on Saturday and now I am publishing it on Tuesday!!)
With less than a week to go I am writing this, not from the comfort of my on a break from organising my packing and finalising details. No, I am writing this on a train, heading to do what I have been neglecting recently, spend some time with friends. Bad timing? Possibly, but this is one weekend that I wouldn’t miss for the world. Yes I still have a lot to prepare and no, I don’t feel at all ready to leave, but as much as this weekend could be used to do all the last minute things that I really need to do, but I am definitely guilty of neglecting my friends recently, and although I presume you all understand the reasons, I am sorry.
It is not that I haven’t wanted to spend time with you all, I have just started to run out of time. You may have noticed that the grand ideas of a pub quiz and cake sales seem to have vanished. This isn’t through lack of trying, it is through lack of REAL time to plan and make it work. Getting injections, buying travel insurance, sorting out my bank stuff, buying summer clothes in February, working 45 hours a week and trying to plan our Kids Church programme has kind of taken over my life. I only decided I was going on this trip 4 weeks ago and although I am excited I am also a little sad that it is next week. I almost want another 2-3 weeks to plan and prepare. I am all about lists and planning!! But for this weekend (well from 13:13 when my train gets in to Poole until 16:30 when I get back to Waterloo) Kenya and James are not being pushed to the back of my mind, but definitely more to the side so I can concentrate on celebrating with one of the people who fill my life with joy.
Next up – KENYA UPDATE!!!