I wasn’t sure it was possible for one person to cry so much!
I feel so pathetic today. Mum just asked what I wanted to do on Christmas day…stay at home with the family or go somewhere else. The thought of having to pretend to be ok at someone else’s house made me feel so nervous I burst into tears! That isn’t normal.
All I want is to feel normal. To not burst into tears at the tiniest thing, to not feel sick due to a Facebook update or a tweet, to sleep properly, to not cry when someone is nice to me. Is that too much to ask??
I wish there was a way that I could click my fingers and everything would be ok. One day I know it will be. One day I will get up in the morning and not have to find the energy to put on a smile and pretend that I am ok because I wont need to pretend any more. Until that day I guess I just have to accept that there will be days when my mascara gets ruined, my heart hurts and my sleep pattern is just none existent!
I say this every post but I am so thankful for my amazing friends and family for getting me through the bad days. Your support means the world to me.
This year was meant to mark a turning point in my life but if I’m honest January has been pretty rotten.
I’m still unemployed, I’ve had a bit of a crisis of self confidence brought on by a horrible incident with a boy & a friend (no I’m not divulging details so don’t ask for them) and I’ve spent a lot of this month in floods of tears.
It’s been horrible.
I have however cemented new friendships and developed old ones, learnt a lot about myself & some people around me, including who I can turn to in times of need, for that I want to thank you all. I’ve also lost half a stone (woo hoo) but that’s a different point all together. I am very lucky to have an amazingly supportive family & church family, without them I am not sure I would have coped.
I suppose there is no real point to this blog. Nothing works out as expected I guess. True friendships last a life time and not all friends you make will last. But I guess what I want to say is don’t kid yourself that you are ok when deep down you are not. It will just make everything harder until a great friend comes along and puts things in perspective. It may not be the person you expect, hell, it definitely wasn’t for me, but it will be the perfect person for the job.